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Looking For the Perfect Gift to Teach Your Child About the Financial Crisis?

Marc emery

Look no further than the Monopoly: Electronic Banking Edition.

Forget silly concepts like math! Forget boring your children with the tedious task of keeping track of how much pretend money they have DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THEM! Forget teaching them to count by fives and tens! Or that THIS house costs THIS much, and you only have THAT much, so you better wait until you have THAT much before you buy it! Dude, that’s such outdated thinking.

To be fair, the game only gives players a plastic debit card, not a credit card, but still. If there’s anything we need, it’s more people thinking of money in a vague, non-tangible sense — not actual dollars and amounts and numbers, but just something that is *out there* somewhere, in a steady supply, until our Magic Plastic Card gets rejected and tells us we don’t got no money no more.

(And yes, the pieces now include a flat-screen TV and a Segway.)

The game is marketed as “faster” than regular old Monopoly:

“Fast without cash!” Seriously. Counting takes FOREVER! The people behind you in line at the store HATE when you like, stop to see if you have enough money.

The thing is, I don’t remember the counting of paper money being the thing that made Monopoly a loooooong sloooooow game. I just remember it BEING A SLOW GAME, what with the slow acquisition of properties and going around and around the board until you had enough money to finally build a shitload of hotels and bleed everybody else at the table dry. I don’t see how eliminating the money solves this.

But as usual, I’m probably just overthinking it. Wheeeeee, plastic! Get a head start on your card swipin’ skills, Junior! And merry Christmas! Now let’s play a game on the dining room table! Good thing we don’t have CASH slowing us down; the repo guys are gonna be here in an hour for the chairs.

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